About every six months or so I have a bit of an emotional breakdown and the thing that sets them off is browsing through pictures. I just start thinking about how fast time has gone, how quickly and irreversibly my babies are growing up, how much I love so many great people that I don't see near enough of or see ever. I miss people who have passed on and try really hard to remember exactly what we did and said to each other the last time I saw them and wish I had taken pictures and videos of them.
And then that all snowballs (and quite quickly) into how I can't remember just what Ben's smile looked like when he was a baby, or the last time Amy snuggled her blankie masses, or I can't seem to recall so much of the time between pictures, how Amy acted when she was little, the last time I nursed either her or Ben, or my last real family vacation with my parents and brothers or the last... the last... the last....
And then that snowballs into how tough it must have been and still is maybe for my parents who worked so hard to raise me and all the fun things we did and just everyday life growing up stuff that went by so quickly and then I feel sorry for them and just want to run home to the farm and be 12 again riding my bike and playing make believe in the woods.
And then that snowballs into how eventually people I love dearly might be gone forever, orwhat if something ever happened to Jonny or my kids and then I would one day not remember what they sound like or smelled like or smiled or... or ... or....
And that snowballs into me wondering why we every leave places in the first place, or leave people and places we love and why do we meet such great people everywhere that we just need to say goodbye to and have fade a bit in our mind as time passes?
And that all results in Jonny finding me crying in bed grieving for all that has passed so quickly and grieving in advance for what is to eventually come.
It's a rough night all round.
Always the result of such nights is I feel the need to feverishly get my pictures in order and printed out so we can look at them and remember and have that concrete evidence of life lived in my hands.
We have had computers crash in the past and I don't think I have much trust in my memories being on iCloud or cyberspace or on a fallible hard drive.
So, saying all of this, I have made an almost complete family albums for us from when Amy was born till now and am very satisfied with that.
And also just so everyone I have ever met or will meet in the future know: I miss you already and love you to bits.
I am very thankful.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Adeiu
I feel like I should do a quick update on us here. The people who were going to rent our suite here decided not to take it so it looks like we will still have it in September which means a few things, good and bad.
It means we pay rent on two places in September. That's the bad news.
It also means we aren't in a rush to move out and won't be sort of homeless for a week. That's good news.
A lot can change in a week still but this is how its looking. It's a bit of a relief to have time to breathe as we move. It's a busy week even with out adding a rush move, storing everything, and bunking in somewhere.
We have been doing lots of exploring around this fine part of the world. And I hope to tell you of it but right this minute I have kids calling for water and pee breaks from bed, Owen cutting his front teeth and crying from bed and my back hurts and i wish I was in bed. Also, I'd like to add pictures.
So, till then, adeiu!
It means we pay rent on two places in September. That's the bad news.
It also means we aren't in a rush to move out and won't be sort of homeless for a week. That's good news.
A lot can change in a week still but this is how its looking. It's a bit of a relief to have time to breathe as we move. It's a busy week even with out adding a rush move, storing everything, and bunking in somewhere.
We have been doing lots of exploring around this fine part of the world. And I hope to tell you of it but right this minute I have kids calling for water and pee breaks from bed, Owen cutting his front teeth and crying from bed and my back hurts and i wish I was in bed. Also, I'd like to add pictures.
So, till then, adeiu!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Limbo
We are on vacation ~ or a staycation of sorts since we are still enjoying exploring Vancouver and have no money to do anything else. Ha! Jonny finishd his suicide Hebrew (aptly named, we discovered) with glowing results and I am so glad to have him with us all the time now. I don't think I realized how tired I was getting until I've had his extra pair of parenting hands here. Love it, love him, love staycation.
We are also headed into a bit of limbo. Things have gone good with our move to bigger living quarters. Our place here seems to have been rented out as of Aug 31. This is good news as we were told that if they couldn't find renters for it we would have to keep paying the rent even if we were gone because we were breaking our lease. Bummer - imagine paying 2 rents in Vancouver! Sick. Anyway, it worked out. God is good.
But.
We don't get our new place until Sept 6 so we have 6 days of homelessness coming up. We can find places to put roofs over our heads but what we really are trying to figure out is where to store our stuff until we can move it in. People have been generous already, offering corner and crannies for storage. And it will work out - but for now we're tired of thinking about it.
We are really looking forward to, say Sept 7, when we can be moved in (well not really as our furniture may not be coming from Alberta for until the 10th or so), ok so we're looking forward to Sept 12 (ish) when we can look back, laugh and say "remember when we lived in that little house and then had no home for a week while starting university and Amy starts school too." Ha ha ... fun times.
It will all work out.
I'm also looking forward to Sept 14 because I am going to audit a course at Regent on the Life and Works of CS Lewis. It will be my morning away from home, a chance to meet and talk with adult people and get the old grey matter working again. Auditing a course sounds like heaven as you get all the information with no assignments or tests. And it's free. Couldn't be better.
There is a ton of reading with the course, a Lewis book a week, so I've been starting this summer. I know I can't get through a book a week and still be present to my kiddos. But the point I want to make is I just finished reading George MacDonalds "Fantastes." This relates to my Lewis course b/c Jonny told me that Lewis was very much inspired by this George MacDonald book when he wrote fiction, like the Narnia Chronicles which I love, and I was curious as to how. It was a Fairie Romance and full of imagination and new worlds and talking trees and goblins and heros and swords and such. I could see the influence it had had on Lewis.
The ending has made me think a bit. If you ever want to read Fantastes, beware as I am about to ruin the ending. So the hero has journeyed far and wide and had life changing experiences and then dies. And by dying he exits fairy land back to England (or Ireland...wherever.) Then he is struck by how he is to live his normal like again with all these new adventures and experience under his belt that no one he know had any part in. He came back changed - and now how was he to live as a changed man.
This theme is common among most of my favourite books - Narnia and the Lord of the Rings being the most well known. Adventures abroad, the road home and then what?
I have no deep deep insight - it just made me look back at all that I've done and experienced in the last years and wonder how each thing has changed me and how I want to hold onto the things I have learned and have them shape me and shape my family. I'm sure they already have. But I'd like to be more aware of it.
Boy, I sound like a university scholar already, and I haven't even started the class. :)
What are your favourite books?
We are also headed into a bit of limbo. Things have gone good with our move to bigger living quarters. Our place here seems to have been rented out as of Aug 31. This is good news as we were told that if they couldn't find renters for it we would have to keep paying the rent even if we were gone because we were breaking our lease. Bummer - imagine paying 2 rents in Vancouver! Sick. Anyway, it worked out. God is good.
But.
We don't get our new place until Sept 6 so we have 6 days of homelessness coming up. We can find places to put roofs over our heads but what we really are trying to figure out is where to store our stuff until we can move it in. People have been generous already, offering corner and crannies for storage. And it will work out - but for now we're tired of thinking about it.
We are really looking forward to, say Sept 7, when we can be moved in (well not really as our furniture may not be coming from Alberta for until the 10th or so), ok so we're looking forward to Sept 12 (ish) when we can look back, laugh and say "remember when we lived in that little house and then had no home for a week while starting university and Amy starts school too." Ha ha ... fun times.
It will all work out.
I'm also looking forward to Sept 14 because I am going to audit a course at Regent on the Life and Works of CS Lewis. It will be my morning away from home, a chance to meet and talk with adult people and get the old grey matter working again. Auditing a course sounds like heaven as you get all the information with no assignments or tests. And it's free. Couldn't be better.
There is a ton of reading with the course, a Lewis book a week, so I've been starting this summer. I know I can't get through a book a week and still be present to my kiddos. But the point I want to make is I just finished reading George MacDonalds "Fantastes." This relates to my Lewis course b/c Jonny told me that Lewis was very much inspired by this George MacDonald book when he wrote fiction, like the Narnia Chronicles which I love, and I was curious as to how. It was a Fairie Romance and full of imagination and new worlds and talking trees and goblins and heros and swords and such. I could see the influence it had had on Lewis.
The ending has made me think a bit. If you ever want to read Fantastes, beware as I am about to ruin the ending. So the hero has journeyed far and wide and had life changing experiences and then dies. And by dying he exits fairy land back to England (or Ireland...wherever.) Then he is struck by how he is to live his normal like again with all these new adventures and experience under his belt that no one he know had any part in. He came back changed - and now how was he to live as a changed man.
This theme is common among most of my favourite books - Narnia and the Lord of the Rings being the most well known. Adventures abroad, the road home and then what?
I have no deep deep insight - it just made me look back at all that I've done and experienced in the last years and wonder how each thing has changed me and how I want to hold onto the things I have learned and have them shape me and shape my family. I'm sure they already have. But I'd like to be more aware of it.
Boy, I sound like a university scholar already, and I haven't even started the class. :)
What are your favourite books?
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Say What?!
Things have been a bit exciting around here recently and a bit stressful, I'm afraid. Long story short (well kind of short) ....
We have been on a slow moving list for a space in family housing since last February. And this last weekend we got the email we've been waiting for. Well, it was sort of the one we've been waiting for. It was an offer for a 3 bedroom apartment in the area of campus we want to be. Oh no, we had been hoping for a 3 or 4 bedroom townhouse. But, housing is crazy around here (in Vancouver in general but also on campus) and with this particular area of campus you take what you can get. It's super stressful. They give you 24 hours from receiving the email to decide and get back to them. What?! So, they emailed Friday at 11 am and of course, neither of us checked email at all until that night at 11 pm. So we had the wee hours of the night and morning to hem and haw and decide. The place was bigger, better lit, tons more storage .... but an apartment with no elevator. So that's lugging kids, stroller and everything else upstairs and not having the option of kicking the children out the door when we are about to pull our hair out. Hmmm... we didn't know what to do.
But, we haven't been very happy here in our 875 square foot 2 bedroom and a den townhouse. It's too small for all of us. We have done ok and really want to be people who can live just anywhere and make it work and with joy, but just are generally unhappy and uncomfortable. And this is in summer when we can go outside but what happens when its raining all the time? And having Owen in the office/den right off the living area is hard. and there is a construction site out our front door (they are on level 5 of a 15 story tower.) and the list could go on.
So, we had pretty much decided to just take the apartment and deal with it. We had heard that once you get in the housing system you can apply for a bigger place and move around. And, here's the catch, once you say no to an offer (you have 2 chances) you get kicked off the list altogether and start way at the back of the line. That's 7 months of waiting down the tubes for us!
So we called and said we'd take it. And they said, "oh wait a minute, you would rather have a townhouse right?" "right, but we'll do whatever to stay in the system."
Then in an email an hour or so later, "Well, a 4 bedroom townshouse just became available, how about that?"
WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Yes! We took it. Quickly. Paid the fee and are officially (well, hopefully, we still need to sign the paper paperwork) renters of a 4 bedroom townhouse moving in September.
It was crazy. We went from kind of grudgingly saying yes to a 3 bedroom apartment to signing up for the 4 bedroom we have been hoping hoping hoping for in a matter of hours.
We are happy. But now there are many many details to work out. Like breaking our lease here (a bit tricky it seems - we would appreciate your prayers) and like our move in date in Sept 6 (due to the place being up for repainting) and our moveout date here could possible be sept 1. And we need our furniture which is being kept nicely for us back in Alberta. Hmmmmm.....
Prayers appreciated!!
But guess what? The new place has a dishwasher.... I've never had one my whole married life. I just may not know what to do with myself. :)
Oh, and a guest room.......
We have been on a slow moving list for a space in family housing since last February. And this last weekend we got the email we've been waiting for. Well, it was sort of the one we've been waiting for. It was an offer for a 3 bedroom apartment in the area of campus we want to be. Oh no, we had been hoping for a 3 or 4 bedroom townhouse. But, housing is crazy around here (in Vancouver in general but also on campus) and with this particular area of campus you take what you can get. It's super stressful. They give you 24 hours from receiving the email to decide and get back to them. What?! So, they emailed Friday at 11 am and of course, neither of us checked email at all until that night at 11 pm. So we had the wee hours of the night and morning to hem and haw and decide. The place was bigger, better lit, tons more storage .... but an apartment with no elevator. So that's lugging kids, stroller and everything else upstairs and not having the option of kicking the children out the door when we are about to pull our hair out. Hmmm... we didn't know what to do.
But, we haven't been very happy here in our 875 square foot 2 bedroom and a den townhouse. It's too small for all of us. We have done ok and really want to be people who can live just anywhere and make it work and with joy, but just are generally unhappy and uncomfortable. And this is in summer when we can go outside but what happens when its raining all the time? And having Owen in the office/den right off the living area is hard. and there is a construction site out our front door (they are on level 5 of a 15 story tower.) and the list could go on.
So, we had pretty much decided to just take the apartment and deal with it. We had heard that once you get in the housing system you can apply for a bigger place and move around. And, here's the catch, once you say no to an offer (you have 2 chances) you get kicked off the list altogether and start way at the back of the line. That's 7 months of waiting down the tubes for us!
So we called and said we'd take it. And they said, "oh wait a minute, you would rather have a townhouse right?" "right, but we'll do whatever to stay in the system."
Then in an email an hour or so later, "Well, a 4 bedroom townshouse just became available, how about that?"
WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Yes! We took it. Quickly. Paid the fee and are officially (well, hopefully, we still need to sign the paper paperwork) renters of a 4 bedroom townhouse moving in September.
It was crazy. We went from kind of grudgingly saying yes to a 3 bedroom apartment to signing up for the 4 bedroom we have been hoping hoping hoping for in a matter of hours.
We are happy. But now there are many many details to work out. Like breaking our lease here (a bit tricky it seems - we would appreciate your prayers) and like our move in date in Sept 6 (due to the place being up for repainting) and our moveout date here could possible be sept 1. And we need our furniture which is being kept nicely for us back in Alberta. Hmmmmm.....
Prayers appreciated!!
But guess what? The new place has a dishwasher.... I've never had one my whole married life. I just may not know what to do with myself. :)
Oh, and a guest room.......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)